The Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes gushfest continues on Ryan Seacrest’s radio show, on which Emperor Cruise talked up his big plans for Katie’s 30th birthday. ”I’ve been kind of surprising her throughout the week with things,” Cruise told Seacrest. 

Katie Holmes is 30?!? When the hell did that happen? In my mind she’s been 17 for the past decade. 

Little Joey Potter is all growns up.

Word on the street is that Mrs. Cruise is preggers again.

Imnotobsessed.com reports, “Katie looked glowing and happy and kept placing a protective hand over her stomach. Even though she was trying to keep it covered, you could definitely see the beginnings of a bump.” 

“That’s the way we all became the Xenu Bunch…”

If you want to make it big, dump Chris Klein! He’s a good luck charm for everyone but himself.

The American Pie was engaged to Katie Holmes before she married into the Cruise Machine and birthed the spawn of Emperor Xenu.

Now UsWeekly reports that his latest lady love, Ginnifer Goodwin, has moved on after finding success with roles in HBO’s Big Love and the upcoming He’s Just Not That Into You.

He must be chokin’ on all that dust.

Scientologist and Resident Psycho Tom Cruise and gushes to Us Magazine once again about his love for Katie “This water tastes funny” Holmes.

He says he bought her an engagement ring after their first date, after Holmes admitted to a childhood crush on him. 

Um…I had a childhood crush on Leonardo DiCaprio! Hello? Is this thing on?

According to Holmes, her life has “expanded” since marrying Cruise. “My family and friends are all a part of this bigger life,” she says (Translation: “My entire life has been taken over by the Emperor Xenu and the Cruise Machine. Please, someone help me!”).